Open letter to a petty thief
Dear person who stole the valve stem caps from my tires: Is our nation in the midst of some kind of valve stem cap shortage? Or were all four of your tires spontaneously losing air at such an alarming rate…
Archives: Story
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What a pleasant surprise!
“Oh, when you’re smilin’/When you’re smilin’/The whole world smiles with you.” — Louis Armstrong Nothing like a #randomsmiley to make a fun dinner funny. Thanks, little mushroom in my veggie burger bowl!
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My not-so-secret obsession: unnaturally colored food
Unnaturally colored food captivates me. The brighter, the better. I’ll stare at neon pink frosted cupcakes the way a dog stares at steak, only I’m horrified and can’t look away. My thoughts are always the same: WHY?! Is that supposed to…
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‘Caramel color’ is worth fearing and loathing
For most of my childhood, I didn’t drink brown sodas because I didn’t trust “caramel color,” the food additive responsible for their signature hue. Despite the sweet name, caramel color isn’t remotely related to cooked sugar. Two of its four types contain a carcinogenic chemical called…
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Please don’t poop on me
Meet Arya, my mother-in-law’s scrappy Plymouth Rock hen and Chief Entertainment Officer of the backyard brood. Barbara brought home Arya and two more chicks almost a year ago, and all provide the family with countless hours of entertainment and an endless supply…