Unnaturally colored food captivates me. The brighter, the better. I’ll stare at neon pink frosted cupcakes the way a dog stares at steak, only I’m horrified and can’t look away. My thoughts are always the same: WHY?! Is that supposed to look appetizing to someone?! It’s disgusting! Where’s Michael?

By the time I get to the last question, my husband is usually a good distance away with our shopping cart, shaking his head over my strange obsession. Michael has threatened to buy me the green shamrock-shaped cookies or red, white and blue flag cake on display, but I always decline in favor of taking photos, which only extends our trips.

Michael is remarkably patient with my impromptu photo shoots, maybe because he knows I’ll never bring home the stuff I gawk at.

My fascination lies within the application of colors found only in bottles to food, like blinding-yellow marshmallow chicks, sky blue frosted cupcakes, fire engine red donuts and electric orange bread. WHY?! Is that supposed to look appetizing to someone?! It’s disgusting! Where’s Michael?

It’s not like I’m going to launch a blog about unnaturally colored food, but I totally could. Every month, there’s a holiday or event that gives American grocery stores an excuse to decorate with Technicolored baked goods. And do they ever. Even the Super Bowl and Breast Cancer Awareness Month have signature food colors.

My interest/obsession might be rooted in my distaste for caramel coloring. I can’t connect the unnatural colors to an obvious flavor profile, so the food might as well be plastic foam. Plus much of the seasonal stuff comes in unappetizing shapes — shamrocks, flags, footballs — that only enhance the disgusting diorama.

Watch this space for future photo galleries of freakish food.